Policy Changes & FAQ - Rape and Suicide

[Kinaed]

Dear Players,

After a recent query, staff discussed the rape policy. We believe that the current policy, which says that rape may not be played (even mentioned in RP), generally has effectively protected sexual aggressors rather than providing people with the IC tools to deter unacceptable sexual behavior. This has played over and over in various ways across most of the 'bad sexual behavior' complaints policy has dealt with.

For example:

John attempts to get Jane to sleep with him. Jane says no. John gets upset and expresses it. Jane must handle his response without the ability to point out that his behavior is coercive and/or "rapey". Jane's tools to deal with the behavior are both ICly and OOCly limited. John is free to continue to harass Jane or turn unwanted attentions to another character. Third parties are unable to express negative views about this behavior in terms of sexual coercion simply because of a ban on even discussing rape ICly.

Thus a policy change is appropriate. RPing a rape is still NOT allowed; this is one of the only player actions on TI that requires active consent. This sort of RP is an instant ban. RPing about rape is no longer barred. And, in line with this thinking, suicide policy will also change.

What this means for players:

• Can I have rape in my character's background?
Yes, but only to use in setting up your character's psychology as opposed to bring it into active RP. Please do not make everyone else deal with your character's off-screen abuse or attempt to bring non-existent NPCs to justice on your character's behalf, etc.
• If rape can be discussed and RPed about, what will make staff believe a rape has occurred and will attract policy intervention?
If a player OOCly complains to staff about [i]any unwanted sexual RP[/i] directed to their character. More detail below. This extends beyond the mere act of sex, but includes players flirting with characters after being told to stop, or otherwise acting creepy towards a character the instant a player has expressed any wish that the other player back off. However, if the player is okay with the RP being directed towards them, staff are too.
• Can I ICly accuse someone of rape who did not actually commit a rape?
Yes, but you'll probably look like an asshole to everyone both ICly and OOCly given that policy still says rape RP isn't allowed.
• Do I tell someone ICly or OOCly to back off to get them to leave me alone?
Either works. If a person tells another person no OOCly, they're not okay with the RP, it must end. Period. If a character ICly tells another character that they're not interested, it the initiator [color=#FF0000]must get explicit OOC permission[/color] to continue RPing any sort of sexual behavior towards that character. If a character tells another character they they're not interested, and the RP has actually progressed to sex, the initiator must get [color=#FF0000]both explicit IC and explicit OOC permission[/color] to actually have sex. Period. If an initiator fails to get required explicit permissions, and the person they're playing with feels in any way abused, the player may be banned for violation of our rape policy. We encourage players to take logs of any RP, sexual or otherwise, that they have any policy concern about. We will shortly introduce a consent command to prevent "logs or it didn't happen".
• What about third parties forced to witness all of this?
We think that it's a function of society for third parties to show their disapproval and act accordingly. TI is a game with a dark theme, and as mentioned above, our practical experience dealing with these matters is that we create more [color=#FF0000]real victims[/color] by skirting these issues than by allowing players to drag these topics kicking and screaming into the open to deal with them.
• Wait, aren't we a non-consensual game?
Yes, but not in this matter. Unlike most other heinous themes that TI deals with, rape is something that all too often affects real live people day to day. It is deeply under reported for both men and women, and the potential traumatic affects of this on fellow players are far more real and serious than being fireballed by a mage. Rape is not okay, and we will not allow players to abuse one another.
• Okay, so someone is accused of rape, it's not clear if it happened. The game is a mess of various people's opinions, some terrible misogynistic crap is coming out of the woodworks, and this shit just isn't what I signed up for. Now what?
This is our greatest fear, and what has kept us from allowing even the whiff of rape to be RPed on TI. Frankly, this would suck. And if it were to happen, there's not a damn thing staff can really do about it. But staff think it's about time we stop treating players like children and let people make some mature decisions about their RP. Please, please do not prove us wrong.
• Okay, and what about suicide?
The rape policy is where we have historically had more trouble, but we believe the same principles about being allowed to talk about it ICly and have it in backstories should apply to suicide. Generally speaking, we do not allow suicides in game because they tend to be used for RP Avoidance more than legitimate story-based tension. Talking about suicide will be allowed and it can be in backstories, but we do not allow character suicide to prevent RP Avoidance (and any need to argue with players about whether they're avoiding RP).

[Kinaed]

After some further discussions with players, I feel compelled to add that once the consent command comes in, staff should know when a player is telling the truth or lying about a rape accusation regardless of what happens ICly. If we find a player serially lying about this issue, staff will not hesitate to take care of that problem.

[Starstarfish]

With this change in policy, what does one ICly do about situations they know about before this policy went into action?

[Limonade]

I thought sleeping on this would make me less angry about it and I was wrong, so I'm just going to roll in all guns blazing.

In short: I am disgusted. But you all know that by now.

Let's begin with this preposterous notions:

[*]What about third parties forced to witness all of this?[/*]
We think that it's a function of society for third parties to show their disapproval and act accordingly. TI is a game with a dark theme, and as mentioned above, our practical experience dealing with these matters is that we create more real victims by skirting these issues than by allowing players to drag these topics kicking and screaming into the open to deal with them.

So, the real victims of... being slightly uncomfortable on the Internet? This is such a heinous false equivalency that I can't even properly articulate how mad I am at it. How dare you suggest that being put off by someone online is somehow equivalent to real, persistent sexual harassment.

I mean, essentially, what we're saying anyone playing a lech with the full awareness that they are a lech who can and will be turned down and likely reviewed, will now on top of it have to contend with the indignity of having to suffer weird 'you are a rapist' RP just because someone wasn't able to articulate (as they are within their right to and SHOULD DO) that a scene made them mildly uncomfortable on an OOC level? Just to be clear (I'm even going to put it in red): DO NOT LET CREEPER RP GO BY UNREPORTED BECAUSE YOU THINK THE PLAYER WILL BE ANGRY WITH YOU, the real creepers are the only ones who will and they should be banned; everyone else (that is to say, anyone worth playing with) will acknowledge your discomfort and back off. That said, I don't agree with this at all and I have a huge problem with our continued refusal to weed out rule-breaking characters when problems arise and instead making weird, abusable rulings like these. We have never not have a dearth of gross, attention-hogging-by-any-means characters in my short time in the game, and I think it is a colossally terrible idea to open the door to people getting their revengencing on through being this horrible. I can't see anyone on the receiving end of this would even give it a chance to happen more than once. I would quit on the spot.

This policy change, as far as I see it, fulfills no IC need (the Order is there to disapprove of even your wanted sexual advances and will flog you/dunk you in the Bren for them); or OOC need (we have and should be enforcing the rules in place about unwanted RP). So who was this made for? Why do we think that people who never came to staff in the first place will suddenly start feeling comfortable using a huge red-text consent command?

I mean, leaving aside all of the RP avoidance this has the potential to cause. (Know a player you don't like is OOC sensitive to this issue? Well shoot! Just talk about it incessantly and you can both make their lives miserable and never RP with them again! Policy-approved blackballing. Which has already begun, by the way, it's been less than 24 hours.) I am baffled that it's now established that our 'gritty' (large quotation marks) theme means that we can be this callously unfeeling about OOC issues that have the potential of touching people on such a personal level. I thought the whole point about these two policies was to not use truly horrible situations for the sake of cheap dramatics and to force people into becoming involved in RP that could be upsetting-to-traumatic for them on an OOC level. You aren't really IC allowed to not have feelings about both of these things at the risk of being branded uncaring-to-monstrous (or actually incompetent if you have a Law job).

If this is truly the atmosphere we are going for, then I can see I have made a serious mistake in coming back. At the heels of what was probably the most thematic-feeling week I've ever had in game, this feels really unfortunate, but honestly, if I am this incompatible with what the game wants for itself, I am most definitely at a loss as to what I can do to feel like I can enjoy myself.

[Pixie]

Having frequently been the target of behavior that was very uncomfortable (though not necessarily a breach of policy) and having no IC recourse to label or explain it to others without cautiously construing it as "my fault", I can't fully express how thankful I am for this change.

[chronodbu]

As someone who has witnessed and been powerless to do much about situations like this in the past on this game, I have to applaud the change in policy. The previous policy as it was worded left a gray area that I have seen abused both around the time I joined the game, which nearly turned me away from it, and during my time in a position of power that I had to deal with.

Furthermore, while I understand your frustration with the policy change being disagreeable to your sensibilities, I find it reprehensible that you feel the need to shame anyone who might agree with the change. How someone reacts and feels affected by the things the change is meant to help with is entirely up to them and their own personal experience. In no way should they feel bad about it.

[Limonade]

I fail to see where I have shamed anyone. I feel extremely strongly about this and I think we would be a lot better off supporting the habilitation of players to go to staff with these issues because they have almost invariably been demonstrated to be allowed to keep happening because of fear of OOC repercussions, which is the thing we should actually all be fighting here. Quite frankly, I think all of this should be nipped in the bud even before we get to the 'casual sexual harassment' stage, but staff has mentioned many times before that it does not rule on quality of RP, no matter how anyone happens to feel about it.

[Azi]

this is a sensitive subject for me and at least a few others oocly, and i've pretty much talked myself out in pboards and tells with kinaed, but i'll throw in that i don't think this is an ideal solution, and i'd rather more be done to weed out problem players than have to rp the whole mess that surrounds trying to get people to believe you/weaponizing accusations (on another MUD i played, it was one character's go-to to undermine others and it was pretty gross)

i don't... want this stuff to be dragged kicking and screaming out in the open and be forced to go through it. i preferred telling people to slow their roll oocly and otherwise not having it be part of my pretend world. i've already been told by one other player that they won't let my comfort zones dictate their rp and i'm just not feeling great about it.

[Niamh]

i've already been told by one other player that they won't let my comfort zones dictate their rp and i'm just not feeling great about it.

Report that to Kinaed, please.

Lets be really careful about avoiding personal attacks here. The topic is indeed a sensitive one, and not agreeing with one person's perspective doesn't mean anyone else is disgusting or should be ashamed of themselves. That sort of commentary is abusive and needs to stop.

<Gandalf>Keep it civil, keep it safe.</Gandalf>

[chronodbu]

I don't really understand as a player what more can be done. If anything, the current change to the policy opens it more so staff can do exactly that, step in if need be if someone is causing trouble in the gray areas the previous ruling left.

Our staff on TI is very rules driven. Adding, modifying, and opening up policies like this allows them to adapt to issues that we experience like experiences Azi just mentioned. I, personally, like it this way because it provides a lot of transparency on their part and mitigates the ability to say sides are being taken on any one circumstance.